You Know You've Been Hacking Too Long When...

• You read a moronic letter in a magazine, then spend a good 30 seconds wondering which key to hit so you can follow up with a flame that just popped into your head.
• You see the root beer at the grocery store as "Hi Res" instead of hires.
• You feel the need to "download a pineapple/canadian bacon pizza".
• You think k.d.lang is a newsgroup
• You are watching a boring show on tv & wonder why the screen saver hadn't kicked in.
• You misspelled something with a pen and your first thought was to hit delete.
• You get in the elevator on your way home, pound on the button for your office floor, and wonder why the elevator won't toggle your location.
• Someone leaves a Post-It note on your screen, and after reading the note you click on the window beneath it to bring it to the foreground.
• You think "I wonder if my letter (snail mail) has reached its destination yet?" "Yes, it must have otherwise it would have bounced..."
• You comment your assembler code in C.
• You panic when someone says "The Sun's just gone down"
• You write down some code during an exam, stare at the page, and think "I wonder why the compiler's taking so long...".
• You sit down with friends at the cafeteria and say "re." (for IRC-literates only)
• You walk into a used bookstore, ask if they have any books about UNIX and wonder why they're giving you funny looks.

You know you're an email junkie when....

1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
2. You get a tatoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3.0 or higher."
3. You name your children Eudora, Mozillia and Dotcom.
4. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
5. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
6. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
7. You laugh at people with 28.800-baud modems.
8. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
9. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem... And you succeed.
10. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
11. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
12. You start introducing yourself as "JohnDoe at AOL dot com."
13. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
14. Your cat has its own home page.
15. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
16. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
17. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
18. You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
19. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
20. You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house.htm
21. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.