Litt om yrker og utdannelse

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were in a train crossing from England into Scotland. Looking out of the window they saw a black sheep.

"Scottish sheep are black!" commented the engineer

"No, no" said the physicist, "all we can tell is that _some_ Scottish sheep are black."

The mathematician looked at both of then with withering disdain, "There is, in Scotland, at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."

To which a nearby logician replies:
"No, no, no...All we can say is that at least one sheep in Scotland is black on at least one side at least some of the time."

To which a nearby professor of philosophy replies:
"Let us not jump into conclusions here...There is at least one sheep in Scotland that, to at least four of us, appears to be black on at least one side at least some of the time"

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole.

So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures--the whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away. After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."

Fem kirurger tok en kopp kaffe sammen, mens de diskuterte yrket sitt.

Nummer 1: "Jeg synes regnskapsførere er enklest å operere. Alt på innsiden er sirlig nummerert"

Nummer 2: "Jeg synes bibliotekarer er enklest. Når du åpner dem finner du at alt på innsiden er lagt i alfabetisk rekkefølge"

Nummer 3: "Jeg liker å operere på elektrikere. Hos dem er alt fargekodet".

Nummer 4: "Advokater er min favoritt. De er hjerteløse og mangler ryggrad, og dessuten er det mulig å bytte hodet og ræva på dem uten at noen merker det."

Nummer 5: "Ingeniører er helt klart mine favorittpasienter. De har alltid forståelse for at du har deler til overs når du er ferdig"

Tre studenter; en jusstudent, en teologistudent og en datastudent satt på en kafé og snakket om damer. Etterhvert begynte de å diskutere hva som var best; å være gift eller å ha en elsker.

Jus-studenten mente det var best å bare ha en elsker, for da kunne ikke dama stikke av med alt du eier og har i en skilsmisse.

Teologi-studenten mente det var best å være gift, og at dette med elskere var en moralsk svakhet i det moderne samfunn.

Datastudenten, derimot, ville ha begge. Han begrunnet det med følgende:
"For da vil begge kvinnfolka tro at du tilbringer tid med den andre, slik at du kan bruke mer tid på datasalen."

Hvis man tok alle verdens økonomer å la dem i ring rundt ekvator..
..ja da hadde vi vært kvitt et stort problem!

Three people were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a system analyst, and a software engineer. The system analyst was driving and when they came to a steep hill, she found that the brakes had failed, and the car started accelerating out of control.

The system analyst pumped the emergency brake, downshifted the gears, and rubbed the wheel rims against the curb. She finally wrestled the car to a stop. The three climbed out and assessed the situation.

The hardware technician said, "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look."

The system analyst said, "No, I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

The software engineer said, "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"

There was a young couple, very much in love, who the night before they were to be married, were both tragically killed in a car accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "St. Peter, my fiance and I are very happy to be in heaven but we miss very much the opportunity to have celebrated our wedding vows. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?"

St. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment for two weeks from Wednesday."

Come the appointed day, the couple were escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeat the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what, wait five years and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again."

Well five years went by, and the couple still very much wanting to get married, came back. Again the Lord God Almighty said, "Please you must wait another five years and then I will consider your request."

Finally, they come before the Lord God Almighty the third time, ten years after their first request, and ask the Lord again. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry. This Saturday at 2:00 p.m., we will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!"

The wedding went beautifully, all the guests thought the bride was beautiful. Moses brought some flowers from the Nile River Delta and Ghandi came wearing his finest hand-woven sari. But, you guessed it, the couple was married but a few weeks when they realized they had made a horrible mistake, they just couldn't stay married to one another.

So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty, this time to ask if they could get a divorce in heaven. When the Lord heard their request, he looked at them and said, "Look, it took us ten years to find a priest up here in heaven; do you have any idea how long it will take to find a lawyer?"

En advokat og prest dør samtidig og kommer inn i himmelen samtidig. Etter en stund oppdager presten at advokaten faktisk får bedre behandling enn ham selv. Presten kontakter St. Peter og sier som så:
- De husker kanskje advokaten som jeg kom sammen med? Det er ikke det at jeg vil klage, men for meg ser det ut som om han blir behandlet bedre enn meg! Han har fått større hus og flere tjenere! Jeg har jo tross alt vært prest, og jeg har tjent Gud hver eneste dag i hele mitt liv mens han var jo bare en advokat.
Da svarte St. Peter:
- Du må prøve å forstå at vi tar imot alle prestene her, men det er faktisk aller første gang at vi har fått en advokat på besøk!

Og så var det gartneren, elektrikeren og dataingeniøren som diskuterte hvem som hadde det eldste yrket.

- "Gartneryrket er nok eldst", sa gartneren, skråsikker. "Det er jo klart at Gud kunne alene anlegge Edens hage.."
- "Det er jo ingenting", sa elektrikeren. "Da Gud sa "Bli lys!" så hadde allerede elektrikerne strekt kabel."
- "Men da Gud skilte orden fra kaos, hvem tror dere da hadde laget kaoset", sa dataingeniøren triumferende.

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look I'm an computer nerd. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

The famous laywer in court:
"Your Honor, I will show first, that my client never borrowed the Ming vase from the plaintiff; second, that he returned the vase in perfect condition; and third, that the crack was already present when he borrowed it."

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.


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